Mackin Carroll

Hello, friends. My name's Mackin. I write music songs. Check 'em out.

Listen up, kids. 

Ashes on the Bridge

Wheels flying fast on the overpass

It’s simple, but it brings me peace of mind

I know we’re only passing through for a moment or two

But I know I need to be here when I die

 

And in the middle of this morbid thought, you caught my eye

In between two breaths, you flashed me a smile

Well, I know you’re just along for the ride

But you made me forget time for a little while

 

So if you ever see me as a ghost

She said, “God forbid,” and stopped me, but I kneed her to know

So I asked her if I’d told her how I wanted to go 

She said, “Ashes on the bridge, yeah I already know…”

 

We were sitting on your floor drinking cheap red wine

When I had to say something dark and undismissable

Because I have this bad habit of ruining a good time

You said, “Relax, we’re both young and one of us is beautiful,”

 

So if you ever see me as a ghost

She said, “God forbid,” and stopped me, but I kneed her to know

So I asked her if I’d told her how I wanted to go 

She said, “Ashes on the bridge, yeah I already know…”

 

Wheels flying fast on the overpass

It’s simple, but it brings me peace of mind

I know we’re only passing through for a moment or two

But I know I need to be here when I die

 

So put my mind at ease and let me know

When I die, I’ll have a place to go

Well, it’s not too much to ask, I don’t think so

To leave ashes on the bridge through the window

Just ashes on the bridge, but you already know… //

 

Cigarettes & Fatherhood

I wish I smoked cigarettes

Then maybe I’d have an excuse to sit here alone

And I wish I had a little girl

Then maybe I’d have an excuse to stay at home

 

I’d take my daughter

And I’d move to a foreign country

Try not to learn the language at all

I’d tell her not to smoke like her father

Try and change her, but why even bother

She’ll push me if she’s like me at all

 

Yeah, I wish I smoked cigarettes

Because then no one would ask me why I stepped outside

And I wish I had a little girl

Because the someone would expect me to be a good guy

 

I’d wake up early 

And I’d take my daughter to Griffith Park

Play some Joni Mitchell songs in the car

And I hope that she wouldn’t like them

Until she got a little bit older

And learned she inherited a heavy heart


And when she learned to speak

She’d ask me why I’m always smoking

And I won’t be able to tell her the truth

About the weight of just being alive

And there’s so much comfort

In knowing that the devil’s in your hands

And he’s not in your head

Whispering “You’re not good enough…”

And you’re looking for him all the time

 

Yeah, I wish I could catch my breath

So I could talk about the things I see

And I hope that I grow old

So I can see my kid do better than me //

 

Sleepwalking

I wanna get to a place where I can step out of the shower

And see the person in the mirror and not desperately wanna change them 

But I’m not there yet

And I wanna get to a place where I can hang out with my family

And just enjoy their presence and not desperately wanna change them

But I’m not there yet

Well, I am running at full speed towards myself

And I am running at full speed away from myself

But I’m not there yet

No, I’m sleepwalking

And I wanna get to a place where when someone gives me a compliment, 

My brain just doesn’t think of a thousand reasons why they’re wrong

But I’m not there yet

And I wanna get to a place where I can have a beer or not have a beer

and not judge myself for either one

But I’m not there yetWell, I am running at full speed towards myself

And I am running at full speed away from myself

But I’m not there yet

No, I’m sleepwalking

I’m still sleepwalking

And I wanna get to a place where I can walk down the street and see a beautiful girl and have my only thought be: 

“Man, isn’t that a beautiful girl?”

And I wanna get to a place where I don’t need a gold medal or a girlfriend or a degree to feel validated

And I can be perfectly content with the unevolved, piece-of-shit version of myself

Well, I am trying

And I am learning to give myself a break

And I'm learning that a lot these days

 

Simple Game

I don’t believe all the things you say

I’m curious about the ones you don’t

I know you don’t try, so I don’t take it personally

I just wish I had someone to blame

It’s such a simple game that you play

 

You love not getting what you want

It gives you a reason not to care

But you’re in my head for the long run 

And I just wish you’d say what you have to say

It's such a simple game that you play

 

Oh you take me to the strangest places

I never know what to expect from you

But if I call you out, you might not answer

You might just run away (from me)

 

Now we’re lost at sea again

It’s times like these I wish you’d change

But you’re so aware, and it’s such a tragedy

That the bite and blessing come from the same place

It's such a simple game that you play //

 

You Hate Fish

I like records you like movies

You hate fish and I like sushi

I hate that lip gloss you wear

You think I should cut my hair

 

Well if I’m wrong, then I’m wrong

But I’m sure that we can work it out

 

You like juice and I like coffee

You write proper, I write sloppy

You don’t like Elliott Smith

I love Elliott Smith

 

Well if I’m wrong, then I’m wrong

But I’m sure that we can work it out

 

We both live inside our heads

And overthink what the other one says

I love all our conversations

‘Cause I’ve got problems, you’ve got patience

 

Well if I’m wrong, then I’m wrong

But I’m sure that we can work it out //

 

Thread

If all the girls I ever loved 

Were gathered in a room

I’d be the common thread

Would it come up in conversation? 

And when they figured it out

Would they fight, or all just laugh instead?

 

And when they finally notice me

Standing in the back

There won’t be much for me to say

Yeah, ‘cause some know all my secrets

Some are tired of my tricks

And there’s a few that don’t know my name

 

Yeah some they’ll never know

The debt I owe them all

And all for different reasons

And I might never get this chance again

 

Well I’m sorry for what I never said to you

I hope you know by now

All the girls that I love, they come and they go but

They’re still around somehow

 

Well, at some point you all have been

The voice inside my head

To guide me for better or for worse

And all my gestures, philosophies, 

And my figures of speech, well

They all belonged to you first

 

Yeah some they’ll never know

The debt I owe them all

And all for different reasons

And I just hope I’ve done the same for you

 

Well I’m sorry for what I never said to you

I hope you know by now

All the girls that I love, they come and they go but

They’re still around somehow

 

Parking lots and street lights 

And drives to East LA

You sat and watched on your side 

As I fumbled for the right thing to say

And you watched me learn along the way

 

Now just because we fell apart 

Does not mean that we failed

There are diamonds to be pulled from the debris

So to all the girls I ever loved

I owe you the world

For sewing a thread through me //

 

Another Missed Call

You’ve got your temper and I’ve got my tragedy

I think it’s worth saving, but you seem to disagree

Silence is your same old idiosyncrasy

It’s just a crack in the ceiling and another missed call from me

 

An hour away and I’m still an exile

I’m on my way out, but I’m caught in the turnstile

I can’t help but hear you as I turn the radio dial

It’s just a shot through the doorway and another missed call from me

But something keeps telling me that there’s no place for me here

If silence is speaking, then I hear you loud and clear

I pretend all I want I’m not looking for closure

But something keeps telling me 

That I’m still not over it

 

 Briefly a station now back to this stranger

I’ve got souvenirs but there’s still this remainder

Stuck with the burden but it’s still hard to blame her now

It’s just a shout from the freeway and another missed call from me

 

Something keeps telling me that there’s no place for me here

If silence is speaking, then I hear you loud and clear

I pretend all I want I’m not looking for closure

But something keeps telling me 

That I’m still not over it

 

Disappear all in a day

Does it make a difference what I had to say?

 

Well I think you’re overreacting

This seems so childish and counterintuitive

Maybe I’m cruel to be so nostalgic

Despite my smile

I’m still not over it //

 

Vampires

I am living with vampires in my room

They are starting to freak me out

Should be getting my angel wings here soon

I am dying to finally be alone

 

Bought a bucket of flowers I could burn

Kept a couple to give to you

Still deciding which language I should learn

I am dying to finally be alone

 

And you know that it's exactly what it seems

I'm just paranoid and waiting

 

I am melting my rings and chandeliers

I am running for president

I am saving my true self for the day

When I can vanish and finally be alone

 

I am trying to French kiss my concepts

Show the mirror my photograph

Someone's pulling my ribs out from my side

I am dying to know if it's me

 

And you know I'm too terrified to think

I'm just angry and projecting

Yeah, it's far too convenient that they'd be

Locked in every room just waiting

 

Yeah, I highly doubt that

But I highly doubt most anything

 

I am living with vampires in my room

In the shower and in my car

I am starting to think that it's a joke

The idea of trying to be alone

 

I am living with vampires

I am trying to catch my breath

I am starting to get sick of the sun

And I am dying

Dying to stop dying //

 

© Mackin Carroll 2016.